Reflecting on my blog as it has made the transition to residency, the most striking feature is its wanton randomness.  I’ve previously blogged about feeling like my life lacks purpose and my blog has loyally followed suit!  Thus I have decided to herd Solsticer back into submission.  Just kidding, Solsticer submits to no one.  However, this blog was created with the express theme of documenting my 4th year of medical school– the travels, the freedom, the decisions.  Then, as residency set in, my life became hard and stressful.  I became a real Searcher.  And my blog seemed to become a Searcher as well, bouncing from thoughts on love and loss to trail runs to random musings.  And it’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed it’s whimsical chameleon-like nature, but I think that it is craving direction.  The same direction I have been craving, perhaps.  Blog and Blogstress often seem to be on the same page as far as these things go.

This year Solsticer will cover Training.  It will explore the interconnectedness of pursing Doctordom and Mountaindom.  Wait what? These are the subjects I already blog about?  This year is about conscientious growth and Actively Becoming the things I have been Passively Pursuing.  For instance, I will be an EM Doc in one year come hell or high water.  My plight is to throw myself at this, to be a force in the field, rather than just showing up and punching the clock and trying not to get sued in the time it takes to graduate.  I’ve never wanted to be perceived as a Leader, but I would like to be a beacon on a hill for the right person on the right day.  And as for athletic training, I have always been a top 10 runner.  Which isn’t to brag so much as to say that if I show up I generally place in the top 10, often in the top 5, sometimes in the top 3, and occasionally bring home a win.  But I don’t train.  I frolic in the mountains, enjoy the burn of my lungs as I glide uphill, show up for the occasional Montana or Utah foray.  This year I sort of want to see what I’m made of.  I will not allow it to be at the expense of my love of the mountains, however I intend to Hone.  This summer will be all about focusing my energy, like a magnifying glass on the ant pile that is my life.

So for the next 12 months, my energy will be divided but my blog will be unified.  I dedicate Solsticer this year to my fellow Searchers, may the pursuit of our best selves cast a long and dark shadow on the temptation to use others as the litmus of our worth.