So… I put it out to the Universe that I need to back off a little on some of my free time endeavors in order to make space for mountains.  And the next morning I wake up to this…

Pictured: A 100ft tall Cottonwood Tree laying across the back half of the John Prine Memorial Garden.

Point taken.

I think it’s more than a little funny that I can barely bring myself to use the word “hobby” and elect instead to say “free time endeavors.”  I think this is very telling of how I live my life.  For many years I have started my days with a “Today” List.  The amazing thing about my to-do lists is that they tend to encompass about one month to one year’s worth of activities. I often lament that I need about 10 more hours at my disposal just to get everything in.  Jimmy refers to this as my “joie de vivre.” Which is pretty much correct.  On the other hand, it doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room.  In the wake of having a child this approach to life has begun to border on the absurd.  Earlier this year I said to Jimmy, “I can’t be a full time wife, full time mom, full time ER doctor, full time runner, full time metalsmith and full time gardener.  It’s too much.”  I think that before I had a baby I was a Student/Mountain Jock, and then a Resident/Mountain Jock and then a Doctor/Mountain Jock.  Then two things changed: my work hours decreased (finally!) and I became pregnant (read: slow). In pregnancy I was unable to run pretty early on and I was grossly underwhelmed by walking. I also started to get migraines at altitude. So I was endowed with the rare combination of lots of time and no plans for the first time…ever. I started grabbing at straws: epoxy projects, soap making, foraging, knitting. None of these really took.  I got deep into gardening, because who doesn’t want to eat organic home grown veggies and have ranunculus and anemones popping up all over the place.  I sort of fancied myself to be a bit of a savvy farmer (To the farmers: I apologize for saying that.  I’m clearly not a farmer.  Exhibit A: I accidentally planted a bunch of clover thinking it was the start to a foxglove.  Oops.).

Jimmy bought me the basic tools for metalsmithing one year ago and here I am, rolling in tools and toxic chemicals, trying to come up with a business name and spending my nights a slave to the flame.  A bit of an alchemist, really.  Except, also… no.  I enjoy it immensely, but I’m a student at best.

So you can see my predicament.  I really do become a full time everything/anything once I take an interest.

I recently listened to a podcast (while gardening) that made a case for Idling.  It posited that you should leave your life about 20% empty.  Don’t give your 110%… give your 80%.  The gist was that the magic happens in the 20% that you leave open to creativity, possibility, whimsy. It gave the analogy that if you carry a bucket completely full of water, it will spill when you carry it and you’ll have to put all of your effort into keeping it from overflowing.  If you carry a bucket 80% full of water it is less likely to spill and you can add more if and when you choose.

This grabbed me. I love it.  A little switch in me flipped. I can garden, yes.  I can metalsmith, yes. I can run, yes.  I can doctor. I just cannot do all of these things on all of the days.  I cannot do all of these things as if they are my sole business or interest.  Being a wife and mom are full time- no ifs-ands-buts.  Jimmy and Inge are my great loves, and there is no 80% when it comes to love.  Next there is doctoring. Turns out I like helping people and I like making some money.  And running… well I am a runner in my soul. It’s actually not a hobby.

So put those at the top of the list. But gardening and metalsmithing are getting the full downgrade to hobby.  These are the things I will inject into the 20% if the spirit moves me. And only if the spirit moves me.  Or maybe I’ll read. Or blog. Or have a glass of whiskey (did I say whiskey? I meant wine…).

We’ll see how this goes. I deeply feel the theory of it and am excited to give idling a try.  Thanks Universe for nudging me in the right direction… or did you actually just make more work for me because now I need to rebuild a garden and remove a tree and repair a fence?  Asking for a friend.